bandages she bought. thankyou boss. =)

SAX BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Can't imagine how much am i gonna miss him after im gone from NS. Took photos of him during my free time yesterday. Seriously, he should get a new name, maybe like Rabbit? But then again, Sax's a unique name. HA!

Last week was the last of Poly's hols. Met out with siming and went for K! session. Chatted with him and stuffs like that. Please, lili, think for your family and don't do stupid things no more. You don't know what's life in there and you won't wanna know. If you're reading this, trust me, aight?

Had fun at sentosa last sat. Hahahaha. Played some dare games and i had to pull my shorts down, shaking my butt. Seriously, that spoiled my entire reputation. LOL! Mom's starting new shop together with her bestie. Hope everything turns out well for her and the shop so that i'll get a vehicle soon? hahahahahahaha. Sorry mom, but i do admit imma evil son. =)

Goona ORD soon, and still, im missing my way going into every wrong direction. Let's just hope i get into a school and get to study. If not, good luck to me man.

A new ns guy, Elias, came into my base. Ha, he's a white. Smoked and had a chat with him yesterday. Okayyyyy, kinda nice guy. Just that the way he smokes, man, bought new pack and im like left with 2 or 3 sticks for today? Shit man! Lucky he's only on my morning shifts. If not then imma be so freaking broke. haha. To be exact, it's the first time i actually talked to a white. Phew, lucky no communication barrel ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Standard still there! =D

'if there were a guy to be named fucking gutless, balless, dickless, brainless ass,

that'll be me.'

'if i had a million dollas, i'd ask every motha-fucking playa to lick my ass clean evertime after i shit.'

'if someone were to be called a bastard, i'd be the someone.'

have a good day homie.

=)

As i looked thru the windows, the past came alive to my mind suddenly. I once remembered, how badly i cried when dad hit me hard. How hard i cried when my close ones left me behind. How badly i wanted dad to stop smoking. How badly i wished that my family would stay like this forever. Now im just following in the footsteps of my dad. Smoking and bad tempered. What a joke...

Anyways, had night shift last night. Damn bloody tired. Guess my body can't hold it anymore. Im turning my clock upside down. Just 4 more months and imma free man. I swear im gonna slp hard man. Hanged out quite alot recently and even had this thing called animal clan. And imma alligator. Hahahahahahaha.. tigeress really ah. Of all the names i got this. LOL! =) da rest? zhixian's crab cause of her pinches. Ashton's snake cause of da girls he pick up. LOL! =X. Celeste's tigeress cause idk why also. HAHAHA! and plus panda, Van low.


Been clubbing kinda lot this month. Jialat sia, even when i met up with siming, he'll say, " wah eh kim, not bad ah.. knn, ask you go pub drink with me you don't want then go club ah. Nnb! you now full time clubber ahh?!"
Lol.. do i look like one lame ass clubber? C'mon man, i don't do club and pub. =)

Been thinking bout alot of things recently, kinda stress up man. I don't know what am i thinking, why am i waiting, why i ain't doing anything and just watching things get past me. What's wrong with me man. Fuck man, maybe i shouldn't think bout things already and let them get the better of me? I don't know what the situation is no more. Im losing it already................
Fucking mothafucker.

Finally!!!!!!!!! Back at home. Long and tiring day for me today. Plus insufficient of sleep is making my life upside down. Have been driving for the whole day today. From east to the east and back to central then to east and back to east. SHAG man! -.-! Only siming and baby will know how tired i am.

Anyway, had a haircut today and it totally sucks to the core. Damn the hairstylist. Gotta wait for it to grow again now... Received a phone call from Create Talents, asking me to go for interview on sat. My mom agreed and wants to tag along. So shall see what happens on Sat.

Now, today happened something dramatic and i was so lucky to survive this. My dad was waiting for his friend at his friend's carpack. He went for a smoke. I was seriously too bored inside the car and tried something stupid. Here goes...

' eh pa, gimme one stick. one stick only, please? feel like smoking.'

My dad turned and looked at me with a super shock and un-believeable face.

Slowly, he reached out to his cig pack and took out 1 stick, and passed it to me.

' you're gone case son. since when you pick up smoking? your life is ruined.'

He said with a laughing tone. For the first time ever. I SMOKED WITH MY DAD!

Should i be feeling proud? Cause it's like one of the impossible things for me to happen and yet, today, it happened. Cool man. Ask siming and you'll understand how strict my dad is with me. Right siming? LOL!

Went to meet up with baby and her friend ytd at Vivo. Accompanied them shop for half the day and i finally realized how tiring it is to be walking around for like 4 to 5 hours? Ain't complaining but i just feel tired after night shift baby. I know you'll understand. =)

After which went to meet up with siming and nic at bugis. Talked nonsense and went to play L4D for awhile. Then went home and after bathing, guess what, KO! Yeah, the result of insufficient sleep. Sorry guys if i looked expression-less these few days. Really not enough sleep. Totally weared out. T.T

YOU said, 'thanks man, finally saw your true colors with my own eyes. that shows that i didn't make the wrong decision.'

IF..........IF, the person you're saying about is me, then read what im gonna write.

First off, YOU were the one who dumped me. And yet you still dare to write til like im the one who did you wrong?

Secondly, YOU gave me a half green cap. Remember? But in the end i found out. Sad uh, that im such a efficient guy.

Thirdly, YOU gave me hope, and then threw me back to the ground when i did you NO WRONG. I can't believe my eyes that you're actually writing that in your blog.

You have NO rights to complain.

N-O, NO.

What a joke.. Laugh at this.

Don't act innocent, you're more then what you seem to be.

You know, I know. It's just that i don't wanna spoil your reputation. Don't force me.

Ask yourself in the heart, DID I EVER DO YOU WRONG?

Should i buy the car?

argh.. damn freaking tired.. 'geh kiang', went to cluster B for deployment today and ended up finishing work at 1045.
zzz. super tired plus gonna pick up ma bro later. -.-!

soon, im gonna change ma name to panda heng... T.T

went to baby's house downstairs for a swim fore going to work ytd. haha! was fun, she was like blabbering nonsense in the water and kept playing catching in the pool. TIRED man!!

wasn't supposed to go into the pool with shirt on, but security guard saw and didn't say anything, maybe he's scared of the BIG police word. LOL!

went to butter factory last week with woodlands team delta. was fun! drank quite alot and ended up with a headache..damn. alright. im done. too tired and lazy to type. pictures to do da talking!! =)

lastly, love you baby! =)

Had inter-base soccer last sat. Outta what i expected, we got the champions. First time Changi Base won champions. And ofcourse, im delighted. =)
Inter-base basketball is coming, maybe in a few months time? im being selected. hope changi gets it as well. then it'll be my greatest gift before i ORD. First off today, kinda tired and slept at home. have nowhere to go either. guess imma head back to my room to slp again. zzzz.

bear with it heng, it'll be over soon.
very soon....

Officially ain't dead for not sleeping for more then 24 hrs. Woke up at 6 in da morning ytd for ippt. Made a fool outta myself towards the end of the ippt. Once again, i failed. Everything was going well, until 2.4km. I thought i could have passed, but well, YMCA! Ended everything at around 1030, went for breakfast with my friends after that and met up with siming at bugis. Accompanied him to geylang post office to collect wendie's stuff. Somehow the item wasn't there and we had a wasted trip. Thanks ah! Reached home at around 3 plus. Upon reaching home, i realised that my toe was in pain again. Damn toe, fuck you! Bathed and applied some medication before leaving home at around 6. Worked from 8 til 8 in da morning today. Totally man, im shag. Still going for soccer later on maybe. Since last week, my life was just soccer, work, sleep, eat, watch tv. This is it, LIFE without YOU. You're free now, a girl with freedom. Doing what you want everyday, smoking and drinking your life away. Good for you. I'm happy for you that you're happy with the way you are now. Inter-base soccer tml, and i'm playing, with my injured toe. Then again, no pain, no gain. Gotta start training. =)

things you've said were never true,

things you've done was just for an act,

you were simply entertaining me.

playing the hell outta me.

i did nothing out of my own goddamn conscience.

i dare swear.

but for you........

you dare?

i doubt so...

yiting(green shirt) comparing the likeness to the lil boy in UP.

thursday&friday

Somehow, things didn't went according to plan. honestly, from deep down in ma heart, i swear that i don't wanna see things end up like this. My intention was to let you know what you were doing and hopefully you'd change abit. Not for me, but for you yourself. I know, it's your life. ain't mine, so i have no right to interfere what you do in your life. how come things between us came to this extend? what happened between us? why? how? i can't get the full picture afterall. it's my fault i didn't stand in your shoes. i understand, and i sincerely apologise for that. but isn't giving and taking part of a relatioship? i kept giving, not wanting much in return but just simply hoping that you'd listen to me and take good care of yourself. so mush so for me giving my best in this relationship, you've chose to give up on yourself. you started to hate yourself, and know what? i kinda hate you more then you hating yourself. know why? cause you won't change even though you know that its bad for you. one answer you gave me. "if i change myself, then i won't be myself anymore!"

think bout it, if everybody think like how you think, then the inmates in changi prison won't ever be released. i couldn't figure out what you were thinking. for 2 months, i thought i had everything i wanted. then on one night, because of a post everything came to an end. you've got me wrong. what i wrote wasn't meaning how much i don't love you, but wanting you to realise that these are the stuffs that you're actually doing. if i don't love you, then i won't be helping you to finish one of your projects while you're happily having dinner with your friends and stuff. stupid kim. why didn't you think of this outcome? where did your brain go kim?

i finished my deployment at 6. weird enough, i ran to my locker after doing my things and hoping for a sms from you. the moment i unlock-ed the phone, i laughed at myself in the mirror remembering, oh ya, she won't be sms-ing me to ask where i am, what time i'll be reaching home, am i tired, am i hungry, etc,etc,etc, ever again.

(this feeling sucks man. you became my habit in life and suddenly you left, leaving me alone with no one to talk to. this wasn't how i wanted it to happen. FUCK!)

after work on friday went down to tiong to meet siming and nic. went to cyrus to play lan til 3 plus. reached home at around 4 but i couldn't slp. god knows why.

saturday

woke up at around 9 plus, slept for around 2 hrs. woke up and called her. but i hang up even before the tone started. went to have a shower after that and slacked til around 1 before going to prepare and meet up with junhui, yiting and ang. met up with them at around 2 and went to have our lunch. after that was the event of the day, yiting spilled over some chilli onton his shirt and wanted to go home change. so from kallang to geylang bahru back to kallang then to katong. so, after yt had his shirt changed, planned to go over to orchard. then i came into the picture saying, "why not all take to my hse downstairs and take bus 65. faster." so we bus-ed back to kallang and to bendemeer. half-way through the journey, i realised that my whole shirt was literally wet cause of the hot weather. so i requested to go home and get changed since it was near to my hse. then this funny ang said he wanted to go home and style hair. we agreed and met up after we finished out things. so, we stayed at geylang-kallang-geylang bahru-bendemeer for bout 3 hrs fore' heading to cineleisure. watched the movie, Muderer, by aaron kwok. =)

it's a seriously nice movie. the twist and turns were totally unexpected. plus the emotions aaron kwok had in this movie brought the movie to another level. too good man, indeed, one of the 4 kings in hong kong. aaron kwok. =)

went to st.james after that with ashton and jh, his first ever clubbing experience. went there and waited for ashton to reach. while waiting, saw zhen yao and chatted with him. at around 1120, ashton reached and we went inside. you just don't know how excited jh was. see the face, like one lion just released from his cage. LOL! =X

met ashton's friends inside and had a few drink. enjoyed the music there and the music is loud enough to not let you think bout other things and just enjoy for the moment. we left at around 330 as its simply too congested inside. went to mac and had a drink fore' heading back home.

reached home at around 5 and the nxt thing i knew, i was on my bed til 2 in the afternoon today. thinking back, that's the second time this week i went. but it's a good thing for me. cause i could totally knock out once i reach home instead of thinking.

family stuffs happened at the wrong time. this is bad. very bad. damn all the bad things that happened. damn it all.

jh, me together with ashton. =)









happy birthday in advance man jh. all the best in whatever you do! =)